• aestda@lemmy.world
    1·
    19 hours ago

    Those guys are cool and some of us men can not be like them. However, saying there is nothing sexy about wearing Nike is wrong. Nike does look good in certain situations. At a nice rap concert or at a party where people don’t want to dress too edgy. Don’t knock Nike. It’s still cool even if some of you don’t like it.

  • pH3ra@lemmy.ml
    381·
    3 days ago

    Of course girl with a goth profile picture and spiders in her name thinks goth style is hot.
    In the meanwhile my bald head and nike sweatpants attract eastern european girls like a lamp with moths. You catch what you fish for.

    • ameancow@lemmy.worldEnglish
      13·
      3 days ago

      The problem is most average looking men, when bedecked in goth shit, look like Bluey got run over by a Spencer’s truck.

      The dude in everyone’s imagination wearing black makeup and jewelry looks like a strung-out rockstar with don’t-give-a-fuck vibes who lives for adventure and wild nights. The vast majority of ACTUAL men have the body-shape of a rectangle and have to spend most of every day waiting in lines, attending Zoom calls, explaining to customers why their wifi doesn’t work (Reset the router Ethel, no that’s not a router, you’re holding an egg steamer.)

      We gotta abandon the idea that people have “looks” at all times. Lets repopularize costume parties so guys get a chance to try to dress-up without it being some kind of shocking change to their entire persona. I had a stiff, straight-edge boss who attended a Halloween party and went goth. Completely unrecognizable, he was a legend.

      • aestda@lemmy.world
        1·
        19 hours ago

        Yeah, you can’t wear the same thing every single day unless it blends in with everybody else.

      • Ifera@lemmy.world
        1·
        2 days ago

        Back when I was a young, gay goth, one of my closest friends talked me into going out swapping wardrobes. He was(and still is) very handsome, but he is one of those preppy gay guys.

        I hate the fact that our Polaroids of that night got lost. It was such fun, and although I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror, it felt amazing, being a different version of myself for a night. And he felt so free, not having to worry about his hair and looks for the night, wearing comfortable, scuffed to hell boots, instead of his traditional suede shoes.

      • AlteredEgo@lemmy.ml
        1·
        2 days ago

        Lets repopularize costume parties so guys get a chance to try to dress-up

        Yeah but isn’t that what women do when “going out”? Makup and clothes that create a different look and style?. Maybe call it “persona”, like “my social persona is male harajuku” (lol)

        • ameancow@lemmy.worldEnglish
          2·
          2 days ago

          Yeah but isn’t that what women do when “going out”?

          Yah but it still doesn’t give men in particular the pass to experiment, to try new identities or personal expressions. I may be mistaken, but I think this was the origin of the “fancy dress party” before Halloween co-opted the idea and made it so trying out a new a “fancy outfit” is now dressing up in cheap plastic masks of stereotypes.

  • HakunaHafada@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    91·
    3 days ago

    Internalized homophobia is a hell of a thing to overcome. Some guys think those things are gay because that’s what they were told by figures of authority.

    Source: was raised as one of those guys.

  • toofpic@lemmy.world
    726·
    4 days ago

    I had a goth friend who would always get laid without much trouble. At some point he got a normal job and had to “become a normie”, and I learned that it wasn’t because he was a goth, it was because he was a complete asshole with women, and some women, for some reason, can’t resist assholes.

        • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
          4·
          3 days ago

          Also, young people often are bad at determining how impressive someone is so they go off the social cues of just believing that they’re acting genuinely in line with their status. This means someone moderately attractive treating 21 year olds like they’re just barely worth their time can often get anything from sex to unpaid overtime if they sell it well and are indiscriminately fishing.

          Most people grow out of it, but some don’t. Then there’s also that the pool isn’t a representative sample of the population. The mature and discriminate are easy to miss (they filter heavily), more likely to leave low investment pools like tinder because the effort/value proposition is bad, and when they leave because of relationships will take longer to return to the pool. It’s not that all the good ones are taken, its that most of the bad ones are looking.

      • TheReanuKeeves@lemmy.world
        122·
        4 days ago

        Certain women like asshole confidence. Typically the type to write “I’m a bitch, deal with it” in their bios

        • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
          151·
          4 days ago

          I’ve known many women who were very nice and intelligent, who dated assholes. Usually they end the relationship thinking “ugh, why did I do that? That guy was such an asshole.”

          They do this because women are human, and do the very human thing of making mistakes and regretting them.

          • HalfSalesman@lemmy.worldEnglish
            3·
            3 days ago

            They do this because [even nice and intelligent] women are human horny, and do the very human horny thing of making mistakes and regretting them.

            Bad/terrible people can be hot. In fact, often when people are hot they feel more free to be their natural asshole selves because they can get away with it more. This applies to both men and women in all directions.

            In fact, some people want their partner to be mean to them, its more often hetero women who like that. If a guy can be mean and get away with it, that implies they’re hot shit, extremely confident, rich, and/or powerful. Those are attractive features in a guy.

            There are also hetero men who want women to be mean to them, especially in the bedroom.

            • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
              2·
              3 days ago

              I can find no fault with anything you just said. Except maybe that having a thing for being abused spans all genders and sexual identities.

        • OhVenus_Baby@lemmy.ml
          7·
          4 days ago

          Damn I need to power off. I’m like how does anyone write in their BIOS? I’m pretty sure it’s just settings. 😅

            • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
              1·
              3 days ago

              Perhaps ironically, this is pretentious enough to convince me that you may indeed be an asshole.

              Task failed successfully?

                • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
                  1·
                  3 days ago

                  Deeply communicating that you are an asshole, by continuing to be pretentious?

                  By showing that you are actually confident that being consistently pretentious is a good way to showcase this, despite claiming you have no confidence?

                  By disproving that your asshole status is self-evident, by showcasing that it actually requires a sustained interaction to demonstrate this?

                  I dunno, I’ve been around a lot of assholes, constantly contradicting themselves in ‘clever’ ways is pretty bog standard behavior.

      • mojofrododojo@lemmy.worldEnglish
        42·
        4 days ago

        implies confidence.

        nope. it implies a craven amount of insecurity.

        it says something though that so many people assume this, it’s certainly not just you.

        • blarghly@lemmy.worldEnglish
          9·
          3 days ago

          Whatever. It gives off the impression of confidence. We’re trying to explain observed phenomena here, not cast moral judgements.

        • toofpic@lemmy.world
          1·
          3 days ago

          In my case, you’re wrong, the guy is like a tank, insecurity is not the case. I see some people trying to “dig deeper”:

          • “maybe the women have insecurities, so it is them who are to blame”
          • “maybe the asshole is not an asshole, he just has a childhood trauma”
            No, he is a confident asshole, and his “charm” works one some women (and not each of them falls into made-up categories). People look for patterns too much. “I’m a red-piller” - lol, that’s a first.
            Note, I’m not protecting the guy, but he is not a comic-book villain with an origin story. He just happens to be successful in finding one-night stands because of a personal trait.
            Edit: forgotten line breaks
          • mojofrododojo@lemmy.worldEnglish
            3·
            3 days ago

            the guy is like a tank

            a lot of people who over-invest on physical attributes have serious insecurities.

            I hold to my premise. it in no way discredits him being an asshole in his coping with these issues.

            • toofpic@lemmy.world
              21·
              3 days ago

              Not strong like a tank, I meant by attitude. Ok, you invent whatever person you want in your head.

  • rottingleaf@lemmy.world
    8·
    3 days ago

    I mean, it maybe wasn’t gay, but was definitely a reference to something hellish, depraved, opposed to common morality, weak, like that.

    Because back then it clearly meant protest against authority, against hierarchy, against stereotypic masculinity, against war, against evil covered by normalcy.

    In some sense it’s an intentional show of vulnerability, that look.

    And I’d take that over Kipelov in Russia every day, that moron who doesn’t fucking understand what rock music is.

    • ameancow@lemmy.worldEnglish
      3·
      3 days ago

      Opposites often attract wildly.

      A lot of really “standard” guys who dress in polos and jeans will look at a girl in a black leather schoolgirl outfit and see mystery, sexual freedom, experimentation, and all the dangers that mother warned you about. It represents an escape from social chains and it’s not just a sexual kink, but it can really feel nice to imagine having someone who challenges your preconceived notions or gets you “out of your shell” because a lot of men have no idea how to do that and fantasize about meeting someone who drags them by the arm through life to get them to enjoy things they’d be afraid to try on their own.

      Speaking as a man who’s partner has filled this role for many, many years.

  • Gorilladrums@lemmy.world
    24·
    3 days ago

    This depends on the guy. Some can pull it off, others can’t. I’m one of those who can’t. If I put on make up, I wouldn’t look goth, I would look like a serial killer lol

    • SinAdjetivos@lemmy.world
      10·
      4 days ago

      It’s not so much about looking “goth” but learning how to augment whatever natural attractiveness you’ve got and demonstrating a level of self-assuredness and self-awareness. Knowing what works for you is part of that.

      “Goth” just happens to be a very bold and somewhat easier style to look decent. A more “nude” look is, counterintuitively, pretty difficult but there’s almost no masculine individuals who wouldn’t benefit from it.

      • IncogCyberspaceUser@lemmy.world
        1·
        3 days ago

        That’s very well put.
        Does anyone have resources they’d like to share to that end? For absolute beginners for very subtle men’s makeup.

        • SinAdjetivos@lemmy.world
          1·
          3 days ago

          I have nothing “for men” specifically but there’s a million and a half tutorials on how to use primer, concealer and foundation. So long as you don’t start doing any contouring it should all be pretty gender agnostic.

  • Damaskox@lemmy.world
    7·
    3 days ago

    I go with black socks, black sandals, black cargo pants and black turtleneck all year around.

    Well, I’ll change for combat boots when the snow comes.

    • walktheplank@lemmy.world
      4·
      3 days ago

      Aww dude. I wear kilts every day. I don’t even own pants. I paint my nails. Rather large stretched lobes and septum piercings. When it’s colder always knee high socks with crazy designs and moccasins. Usually an unconventional hairstyle brightly colored and big beard. I’m 50. I just truly quit giving a fuck what people think when I had a major illness a while back. I get hit on a lot for an old dude. More than I ever have in my life. It’s given me crazy confidence in my old age. My wife loves it.