The fragility is part of the narcissism. You don’t get one without the other. In the end, narcissism is an extreme projection of insecurity, which is why “narcissistic rage” is a thing.
Most people here don’t seem to understand what narcissism is. It’s not someone who feels superior to others or is insecure or any of that. It’s much deeper. It’s not a lack of empathy either. They are very good at faking empathy when they need to.
Go back to the myth. It’s not about feelings or egos. It’s about reflections. The key feature of a narcissist that most posts here are missing… the narcissist has no self. They only exist/validate themselves through how others see them. This is why it is their ego is so ‘fragile’. Because their ego entirely consists of how others perceive them. They have no separation of their own reality vs others perception. Their internal life is entirely consists of how others see them and without the constant affirmation from other people they cease to be. Hence why they can never be alone, and tend to form co-dependent relationships and be highly focused on image, not substance. It’s why their entire life is very controlled and anything that doesn’t fit into the box of reflections they have built around themselves must be totally and utterly rejected.
This is also why they are socially skilled and so charming. They mirror other people and that mirroring is generally considered flattering to most people. But if the mirror breaks down, or the subject upsets the positive feedback loop the narcissist has to reject/destroy them.
Non-narcissists have a self-image that is composed of a mix of how others see them and how they see themselves. Narcissists don’t have the ability to see themselves independent of others perceptions of them. That’s why normal people can shrug off someone not liking them or upsetting them… because they have something else to compare it to. A narcissist doesn’t.
Also normal people don’t pathologically mirror/manipulate others into liking them. They can let it go. A narcissist can’t. They only know how to manipulate/mirror others. They can’t engage in any authentic interactions with other people because they involve too much risk. Again why they only tend to be friend those they can control.
A narcissists worst nightmare is being alone.
Cause they only focus on themselves? If that gets attacked, it’s an attack on their only asset. When your focus lies on a spectrum of interests other than yourself, you keep an overview and your overall self worth. I dunno.
They are deeply insecure, ashamed, alone, anxious, and afraid. They CANNOT be faced with others confirming their worst fear: that something is deeply and terribly wrong with them. They’re basically emotionally disabled and can’t empathize, work together as a team, or be genuine. They completely lack accountability ir responsibility. In close relationships, they suck the life out of people the most because it makes them feel better about themselves and they choose this tactic in these relationships because that person is least likely to leave them.
As a therapist, I’ve seen one, maybe two clinical narcissists. The one I remember best only came to therapy to get recognition for doing so but had NO insight into the nature of his issues.
I feel like it’s OK to demonize narcissism in ways that would be unacceptable ableism if you were talking about other neurodivergents or personality disorders.
It’s just as blanket and vague as calling someone an asshole.
It’s become such a pop-psych phenomena, I think it’s time for clinical people to abandon the term to pop culture. When a diagnosis becomes a common insult, it’s time for a new term.
I’m sick to fucking death of the word being tossed at anyone acting an ass. My mother had NPD, only person I’ve been close to that certainly had it. Got on r/raisedbynarcissists and it was a bunch of whiny little bitches whose parents were merely selfish, and sometime only occasionally.
Narcissism is not neurodivergence, it is a personality disorder. There is a great difference between them. But to your point, I think that the proper term is “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”.
A narcissist sees the rest of the world as inferior to them their perception of reality is all derivative of this opinion. When confronted with objective reality disputing that they don’t just react to the singular confrontation. Because their psuedo superiority underlines everything they think about any evidence they are wrong begins to dismantle every opinion they have. Now being forced to consider the entire way they perceive reality is flawed its easier to get angry and confrontational instead of reevaluating their worldview
My experience with a clinically diagnosed narcissist, which is very rare considering, was with an ex I spent/wasted seven years of my life with, and subtly different from what you said. She saw everyone else as superior but unjustly so. Everyone that wasn’t serving her interests was an enemy. The insecurities of feeling inferior to everybody manifested in a projection of superiority but under it all it was just a mask to protect her fragile ego. She would do anything and everything, in the moment of her current environment to get what she wanted. She only cared about anyone in so much as they validated her desire of inflated self worth, her own children included. There was a sliver of hope after a year of therapy but as real as the temporary empathetic soul briefly emerged all it took was a light switch moment and suddenly, like a light switch, that just became another momentary blip to then be used as an additional tool in her toolbox to socially destroy anyone that wronged her. Even after grey rocking her for over two years, following our seven year relationship, did I start getting left alone (luckily her kids weren’t mine, still feel for them but they are taking a master class in manipulation and strategic mood swings). I’m sure she got distracted with her next victim and I no longer fed her need for control and ego building enough so she lost focus but it was the most miserable decade of my forty odd years on this earth. I love her, or who I thought she was anyway, it still hurts thinking back but it was never really her, who I thought she was didn’t exist.
