my dad specifically has really been feeding into hypermasculine, gun-loving, “true American” MAGA nonsense. I am gay and while he has no issue with me or my partner he continues to align himself with people who do not believe in my right to exist. He didn’t believe Elon did a nazi salute. He said I was listening to the liberal propaganda. Now that trump has pulled out all the stops and continues to implement project 2025, I question whether I can still be in contact with him. Even if he is not (outwardly) rooting on everything, him not condemning what is happening to me seems like he is doubling down on his beliefs.
I am drained mentally and honestly think that he will continue supporting the destruction of this country and the rights of millions all because he idealizes their “alignment” with masculinity, guns, the military, traditions, etc.
How do I approach the topic with him and tell him it’s either me or these beliefs/trump? Is that selfish of me? I know some people say that this will only further the divide but honestly I feel like things now are irreperable and I should not be involved with people who turn a blind eye to fascism.
is it wrong to cut yourself away from nazis?
When I found out my mom voted for Trump the first time, I didn’t speak to her for a year. I only did then because she reached out to say she was wrong (a first for her).
When I explained (more like yelled) why I wasn’t going to have anything to do with her, I told her in detail how she was betraying everything she raised me to be. She used to sponsor the LGBT club at the school where she worked and I told her she was betraying all those kids she said she cared about.
It isn’t a choice between you and Trump. It is a choice between your dad being the type of man he raised you to be, or not.
My best friend at work is a dyed-in-the-wool conservative. He will never not be - and I rush to profess that he is not an asshole…he just thinks conservitave/republican is the side he needs to support probably because that’s what daddy did, dunno. We see eye-eye on most other things.
We do not agree on anything political except that everyone is way too heated up over everything. We are still friends, regardless.
My point in responding is that his gay daughter disconnected from him after Trump v.1 - would not take a call or interact in any way. This is painful for my friend and he has been confused by it but does not realize why his daughter won’t engage. I think she is offended that his political choice doesn’t allow for her right to exist and, frankly I agree with her.
I think my friend has lost his daughter forever because he is a stubborn man. I hope your dad can open his heart to accept you.
Have you ever explained things to him about his daughters viewpoints? Just tell him “Ya know, (his name), I’ve been thinking. People with (his hair color) shouldn’t have the right to exist. People with (his hair color) are just no good, rotten nasty people! They don’t have the right to live on MY planet, breathing MY air! Right? Don’t you agree?”
And make it as absurd as actual racism/homophobia is. Make it clear that you hate him for things he was born with, and he now has to pay for being a dirty (color) hair’d person! Don’t be shy. Be as hateful as you’ve seen people like that be.
Then ask him how he feels about you. Get him yelling at you. Get him insulting you. Ruffle his feathers. Smile at every insult he hurls.
And then tell him "What I have just shown to you is a mirror. I have acted as you have acted to your daughter. These are the messages she hears you saying to her. It was hard to hear wasn’t it? You didn’t want to hear a single further thing out of my mouth. THAT is the same experience that your daughter has when you spew those same messages at her.
YOU are an individual. YOU have the ability to change your views. All I can do is hold up the mirror to show you what version of you you’re projecting into the world. Your daughter is an individual, and she has the right to live her life any way she wants. With or without you. If you care, it’s up to you to be the version of yourself that she wants in her life. Not the version you try to force into her life."
After that, there’s literally nothing more you can do. Slap him with reality, and if he continues to be shitty to his family, he can die alone.
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You won’t miss him. You’ll miss the idea of who he was
This hits hard with some personal relationships I lost during COVID because they were anti vaccination. Couldn’t be bothered to care how their decisions affect others, that was ‘their problem’.
Nope, I almost did it, but he stopped pressing my buttons. He thought “grab em by the pussy” was funny, kept talking about trump. Told him the exact same thing I told the ex friend I did cut from my life: I don’t associate with Trump supporters, either cut that shit out or lose my number.
They have a right to believe what they want, I have a right to distance myself and not speak to them. Their morals are fucked, I will have no part of it.
no. the entire personality of a trump supporter is donald trump. cutting yourself off from them at this point is not about politics as far as I’m concerned. it’s about morals. these people have shown, as many as two times, that they are cool and support every thing he does and says. that’s a moral issue. and cutting out the people who have the same morality as trump is not a you problem.
I believe that if someone is supporting policies that are directly impacting your quality of life/well being you’re well within your rights of cutting that person out and telling them to fuck off.
This goes beyond “politics”. What kind of garbage person puts the well being of 2 handfuls of rich failsons ahead of their own children? Well, my parents for one, and your dad for another it seems.
Before cutting them out, I recommend putting it in terms similar to this. Emphasize how they have failed at the basic premise of being a parent by putting their own children’s wellbeing behind that of about a handful of the wealthiest families on the planet with more resources than god. Literally subsidizing these strangers failsons at the expense of their own children.
With Trump, it isn’t a difference in politics.
It’s a difference in morality.
Something I’m seeing a lot is the statement “I’m not distancing myself because of political differences, I’m distancing myself because of moral differences”
Anyone who is happy at the expense of others losing rights, is not different from you politically, they’re different from humanity, as far as basic ethics.
You’re not selfish. You’re strong. Stronger than me and I’m proud of you for trying to fight to help your dad, but please don’t do it at your own expensive. I’m pan and non-monagamous but buried further in the closet than a cable that “definitely will be useful in the future” because my family would turn on me in a heartbeat.
Not selfish at all.
I’ve cut so many people from my life. I have a rule. If you exist in my life, and all you do is make me angry, there better be a REASON you’re making me angry. Like when I was TRYING to get my dad to accept help from the government a few years back. His roof is failing. It’s only getting worse. Our city has a roof replacement program for seniors. Totally free roof. His house is rotting. When it rains outside, it rains inside.
So yeah, I fought him for 2 years trying to get him to take the roof.
Yeah I made him angry, but it’s because I care about him. And the fight is about getting him to take care of himself.
Unlike my sister, who will call, just to argue, and fight, with no real reason. I don’t answer her calls.
And when I’ve had “friends” that only care about you when they need something, fuck off. I’m a generous person, who people think they can take advantage of. And I guess they can to a certain extent. I don’t mind helping those in need. But there comes a point when you realize “I only see this guy every few months, and only when he has some sob story, and needs something”.
THATS when I stop talking to friends. OR when I realize that I’m ALWAYS the one who has to innitiate contact. Like if I just stayed silent, the friendship would just be over. Ok then. Guess you never think about me if I’m not already in your presense. I don’t need those people in my life.
Obviously, your mental health and well-being and that of your partner are the first consideration. Please do whatever the two of you need to survive the times.
That said, when I read, “it’s either me or these beliefs/trump,” I wondered how you would have reacted if your dad had said you have to choose between him and being gay/your partner. I assume you might have shut the door in his face, felt good about it, and never looked back.
I doubt he’ll feel any different about it.
There is never any change without pain. You are in the right.
You want him to realize he’s in the wrong? It takes pain, like the pain of “Why don’t my kids visit anymore?”
If this is cruel, remember they’ve been doing this to you first.
Do what you want, God is fake.
Your mental health must come first. You can’t fix others if you’re broken.
Tons of people here are going to say yes and that your dad is a pos. This is a question with life long implications, that you’re asking strangers. Do you want validation for cutting your dad out of your life? Cause that’s all youll get here. Only you know the answer to this question
No. It’s the right thing to do
