This makes me feel old. I came from a time when schools didn’t have public shootings, and so bullying was more accepted. I CANNOT imagine for the life of me, even if it had been possible on Windows 95, anyone willingly sharing the fact that they do this.

If ANYONE in 6th grade showed off something this pathetic, they would be on the ground clutching their gut, which had just been punched so hard that they are struggling to breathe.

The end result is that people understood common sense that it’s not admirable to be pathetic and weak. So people would show off themselves getting better and stronger.

I feel like all that bullying 30 years ago made a lot of kids better for it, because it forced them to at least ATTEMPT to stand up to me. Even if I laid them out in the end, they learned not to be a loser.

And now, we’ve had decades of not encouraging bullys. THIS is the end result. THIS is what these insecure cowards turn into.

Now I’ve never seen OP, but I’m willing to bet he COULD be going out and getting pussy for real. It’s not hard. I am not a good looking guy. I’m not rich. I don’t have a sports car. I don’t have a mansion. What I do have is a confidence in myself instilled into me at a young age that I can do it. Where “it” is an interchangable variable that applies to most things.

You know how I got that confidence? By being a fat pathetic loser 8 year old who got bullied. Until I hauled off and just decked my bully. Who was bigger than me. You get a reputation as the kid who knocked out the kid 2 grades above him. Then you start believing in yourself. You start pushing your own limits. You start kicking your own ass. You toughen up. You take on the world, and win. And women see that confidence. The VAST majority of women are attracted to a man who knows he can do it.

You know how I got my first girlfriend? I called the girl I had a crush on. Straight up asked her out.

She said no. I’m not her type. Fair enough. Because if a woman says no, there’s no sense in insisting, or getting mad.

So I called the other girl I had been talking to. I said “You wanna go out?” And she said yes. We dated for 4 years until I learned she was a narcassistic psychopath who trapped our cats in the closet all day while I was at work, after dropping them in freezing cold water. I was not ok with that. You hurt animals, and you’re a damn monster. BUT! It was a relationship that failed not because I was weak and keeled over. It was because I happened to choose the wrong girl based on information I didn’t have. It happens. Not every person on this planet is a good person. Her parents failed her in showing what empathy is, and how to be a strong woman who can handle life. So, that was a dud, but life moves on.

Now rewind that story. Imagine I just stayed in my moms basement, and ate cheetos, and tried playing video games all day in a dark room crying that woman wants me. Do you think I’d EVER get a girl? Her or otherwise? Fuck no! If that version of me existed, afraid to be bold, afraid to take life by the balls, I’d be some lonely dweeb 40 year old virgin without the humor of Steve Carell.

So to OP, I’ll say this. I see life has failed you in a spectacular way. You should have been beaten as a kid by other kids, and weren’t. You should have had the chance to beat your bullys, but couldn’t because of school policy and anti-bully culture. Life failed you. You have no confidence. That needs to change. Go look in the mirror. Take a good long look. Do you enjoy seeing the person who stares back? No. We see you the same way you’re seeing you. So you need to change that. Nut up, and go join a gym. Take a boxing class. Get hit in the face. Take it. Again. Again. Hit back. Be the person who’s burried underneith all your insecurities. Fuck those insecurities. You have no room in your life for insecurities. Work out until you hurt. Jelly legs where you’re so tender that walking is hard. Jelly arms. Do it again tomorrow. And the next day. Do it about 4 days a week for 6 hours.

Be better. Improve yourself. You’re lonely and insecure? Yeah, that’s because women see you being gross and not worth talking to. BE worth talking to. It only gets harder as you get older. You can spend your 20s sleeping around, but you better find somebody by 30. Because after that, it is slim pickings unless you want a girl with like 5 kids by 3 different men but she’s insisting you go bareback. There’s a reason she collects so many checks. You wanna be next?

Or do you want to avoid that now by being a better you?

Because this? This is sad.

Eggs in a basket??? Jesus!!! How much is THAT going to cost???

Its odd that your entire facial recognition is based entirely on hair. Men typically don’t wear makeup. So that’s already not a factor. You’re telling me if you saw me for 2 years with long lucious flowing hair down to my shoulders, and then one day I donated to locks for love, snd decided to just be bald…I would come into work, and you’d be like “Who’s the new guy?”

I don’t know how you still have a job. I’d be constantly late/missing from work. Then when the boss asks where I am, I’d send this photo and say “Can’t come in right now. My dog is cosplaying, and it’s amazing”.

…right before I’m fired.

That’s fine. Nintendo was already planning to impose the Nintendo tax. So I imposed the “I ain’t buyin’ this shit tax”.

You’re right, Ubisoft. I CAN’T complain about not owning the game. I never bought it. You know…because it’s an Ubisoft game!

…stop being right! I got angry reading that, but when I clicked reply to yell at you, I realized it was all emotional backlash on my end. I couldn’t formulate a thought process to show why you’re wrong. Because you’re not wrong. I just hate that you’re right!

Oh good. That means it should already be 2X lower then, right?

God dammit. I was trying to make a joke about the correlation between the people I see breathing oxygen, and the stupid people I see. Then I was going to say there’s also a correlation between the people I see NOT breathing oxygen, and also turning blue and falling to the floor.

Then I realized the joke made it sound like I was defending tarrifs. Which wasn’t the point I wanted to be making. So then I tried making a joke about there being a correlation between fat americans, and eating fast food. But then the joke wasn’t even funny, or random. It was just boring.

So then I saw a bird outside, and remembered I have a low attention span. So I ran outside to look at the bird. He looked back at me like “Why are you looking at me, human? I’m just sitting here being a bird. Are you trying to watch me poop? You are, aren’t you? You realize that birds have no sphincter. So if I develop the urge to poop, there is a 100% chance it will come out immediately. You are never safe around birds to not poop on you. Which really kind of erases the old thing people used to think about birds targeting their car specifically to poop on from the sky. No bitch. I’m just flying through the sky, and you’re hundreds of feet below me, freely available to poop on. What are you going to do? Chase me? I will poop on you, and get away with it. Because I’m a bird.”

Then I came back inside, and realized I never thought of a joke, or something random to say here.

Life is funny.

I remember buying breath of the wild, and sniperclips on day 1.

The whole room is black. How would blue help?

May I introduce you to their last launch day tech demo… 1-2 Switch?

Yeah. You forgot about $60 launch day tech demo 1-2 Switch, didn’t you?

Until MY pay goes up, that just means everything is more expensive, and I won’t be buying new things.

I wasn’t even going to pay $449, let alone $600. I figured it would have been somewhere between $300-400, with 400 being on the high end of reasonable.

$449 I would have waited a bit. But $600??? I get it’s because of tarrifs, but that’s really going to hurt the systems long term sales numbers the same way covid hurt PS5’s lifetime sales numbers.

What? Like you don’t even have a few dozen 100 gizgabyte sd cards lying around! An sd card size so massive and expensive that I had to make up the new size “gizgabyte”. It’s bigger then terabyte.

Also a 100 gizgabyte sd card will hold exactly 1 copy of “New Super Mario 64 rerelease edition XL”

Now comes with Luigi DLC. When Luigi reaches bowser, he just shoots him with a gun, and goes to McDonalds despite being anti corporate interest.

This rabbit has a more exciting life than I do…

I’ve never heard of any of them besides the naked gun movies.

So probably.

I was going to say “OJ Simpson”, knowing he was in The Naked Gun. I figured he got the part because of his notority as a football player, and figured it was his only film.

Turns out he’s been acting since at least the mid 70s. He’s been in lile 15 movies. Which is kind of weird, knowing what he did later.

So, I guess I can’t say O.J Simpson…

rubbing nipples

Oh, gosh! That sounds SO bad! Go on, tell us in explicit detail all the drastic measures that X would face. Tell us all the pain they would endure! Spare no detail.

rubs balls

Yeah…yeah almost there…

Oh noooooo 1 billion dollars…such a heavy fine…

Make it 60 billion.