Jokes on you! I have vivid dreams of “waking” up, checking my clock, and then panicking so hard because I’m late, that it actually wakes me up just to find out it’s only 2am.

You fly until a size 13 boot renders you into a fine paste.

But Kermit likes pigs?

Funny how I rarely hear about racism in other countries. Except when someone like me brings up that other countries are also extremely racist but it’s been so normalized it’s not newsworthy.

Oh that was more of a royal you instead of the singular

I was originally gonna say Romani but then I remembered this very detail.

Europe is honestly just as if not more racist than the US

Or ask a European about their feelings on gypsies and watch them pull out some of the darkest shit you’ve ever heard.

And yet you still keep ordering.

I still love how everyone acts like America is the only racist country on the planet.

“A massive oil spill in the gulf of mexico could cast a dark shadow on fossil fuel expansion”

Humans are fucking stupid and I hate having to share this planet with y’all

Nonconsensually as well!

Is that technically sodomy?

“We never got nutted on by salmon at my old school!”

“Guess you could say this is a pretty nutty situation!”

“Carlooos”

I’m gonna rant for a second here if that’s alright.

FUCK being mixed handed. I’m not right or left handed but I’m not ambidextrous either. I’m what’s called cross dominant and it’s a huge pain in the ass all the time.

Cross dominance is when you don’t use one hand for everything but can’t use both hands for everything. I write with my left hand but throw with my right. I eat with my left hand but punch with my right. That’s not the main issue though. The main issue is I cannot use both my hands at the same time without them running into each other because they both have different instincts. If I were to try to use both hands to put something together I’m likely to end up yeeting whatever it is across the room because my hands got confused and one did the right thing while the other had a fuckin stroke and thought that the necessary thing to do is just fully extend and smack whatever I’m working on.

It’s a small thing that I generally don’t bring up because it’s not that big of a deal and I’ve adapted to only using one hand at a time but it’s still infuriating.

Rant over.

I gotta say my takeaway from this is completely different than anyone else’s.

Why the fuck would you continue having kids when you know being pregnant causes severe medical issues?

I honestly wish I could understand the drive to procreate despite knowing that doing so could fucking kill you

Why the fuck would you use Roman numerals?