I wouldn’t know what you need to know. But based on what you mentioned here, it doesn’t sound like you’re going through a spiritual awakening. It’s very much an embodied, not an intellectual experience. Here’s an excerpt from Alan Watts’ autobiography describing it:

It was in the autumn of 1932—windy, with fallen leaves skittering along roads and fields—and I was trying desperately to work out this problem: What is THE EXPERIENCE which these Oriental masters are talking about? The different ideas of it which I had in mind seemed to be approaching me like little dogs wanting to be petted, and suddenly I shouted at all of them to go away. I annihilated and bawled out every theory and concept of what should be my properly spiritual state of mind, or of what should be meant by ME. And instantly my weight vanished. I owned nothing. All hang-ups disappeared. I walked on air.

You can block anything if you’re stupid enough to think it’s going to work.

I wouldn’t know what anyone else wants me to wear.