I have 2 demands for microwaves. Have a 30sec button and start when I press it once. After 1 minute of no use, just clear the time left. Also don’t beep every 10 seconds after the timer ends. I’m drunk and I probably don’t need that food if I don’t remember. That’s more than 2, so 30 demands and I’ll stop before I hit zero left.

and you sort of feel like… you know, I could have been a ninja

Check through the “settings” button. Many relatively new microwaves have muted options.