I’m more like “took them long enough to finally find one thing”
*inhales cigarette* “what took you so long?”
I got that call for saying I was “enjoying the view,” meaning the park-like landscaping out the window of an empty office I was admiring on the first sunny day of Spring. A woman in the hallway assumed I meant her butt.
Wait, this doesn’t add up, who did you say it to? Why didn’t they back you up? Did you just say it to yourself? What?
Okay, full story:
I was standing in the doorway of an empty office, looking out the window and talking to myself out loud (because I’m a dork) about how I would arrange it if it were my office. It was a ground floor office with beautiful parklike landscaping outside, nothing but trees and rolling greenery, not even a light pole in sight. As I backed out into the hallway without looking, I sort of bumped into two women, one of whom happened to be my office manager, let’s call her Alice, and the other I didn’t know, call her Miss Congeniality. I felt like I had to say something to explain why I was standing in the doorway of an empty office talking to myself out loud, so as they walked away I said, “I’m just having a nice day, enjoying the view.” They looked at each other and giggled, which made me feel even dorkier.
A month goes by.
There’s a small reorganization and the seating gets shuffled. By sheer chance, Miss C and I are supposed to share an office. At this point she tells office manager Alice that she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing an office with me after that remark I made. “What remark?” asks Alice. “The one about enjoying the view,” says Miss C, “when he was looking at our butts.” Alice tries to stick up for me, saying I was just off in my own world, but Miss C is insistent so Alice reluctantly brings it to HR.
At first I honestly had no idea what they were talking about, as it had been a month and I had forgotten the whole thing. For a week I tried to figure out what the hell I could have said that sounded like “enjoying the view”. Was it something “of you”? Was it “a few”? But nothing came to mind and I was convinced they just had the wrong guy. Then my wife told a friend of mine about it and he just laughed and said, “Knowing <dork> he was probably looking out the window!” When I heard looking out the window, BOOM the whole thing came flooding back. So I went back to HR and related what I now remembered. I asked if I could talk to the accuser but they’re emphatically like, “Oh no no! Don’t anybody talk to anybody, let us handle it!” After a day or two they say Miss C agreed it was probably a misunderstanding.
The end result was that Miss C didn’t have to move in with me and got to keep her solo office. Based on her utter lack of reaction at the time, I’m pretty sure this was what motivated the complaint. But there’s absolutely no way to prove that, and it’s water under the bridge.
I got a message from my boss today asking me to come into the office (I’m nominally fully remote). It’s probably fine, but…
Reminds me of when I sent the return to office emails out to my team.
I apparently fumbled the wording so badly that one of my longtime friends/coworkers sent me a text asking if there’s going to be layoffs.
When your joke is so good that the HR folks want to hear it in person.
If I’m layed off I get a huge settlement and a year of a good unemployement salary. Vacation time.
Me handing in my resignation letter so I’m one step ahead
🗿
Could be having you rat on coworkers
I told the head of HR to go fuck themselves for trying to fire me after interrupting me hustling trying to meet a deadline, to do some HR interview bs, and them refusing to leave after following me to my office. They’re worthless corpo cops and they contribute nothing to an employee. I was hired by the vp and challenged them to fire me and they backed down after talking to him. I don’t work there anymore after they laid off the entire engineering department and ran the company into the ground. It’s enjoyable to watch from the outside though
